


Four Loves

by caffeinechesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Stanford Era, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 12:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinechesters/pseuds/caffeinechesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a gen ed literature class Sam learns about the four loves (philia/phileo, eros, storge, and agape) and relates it to his and Dean’s relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Loves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zomb13Cat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zomb13Cat/gifts).



> Originally this started with Zomb13cat and I fangirl-ing over weecest and I mentioned how in ancient Greece they had the notion of four loves. She encouraged me to write it. Also, totally unbeta'ed so any mistakes is all on me.

It had been a year since Sam left the family business for pursuing normal. However, he thinks that he’d rather be out hunting a werewolf or wendigo than be in his gen ed class on ancient Greek and Roman literature. It was painful; the other students butchered the Latin and Greek, but overall it was boring despite the petite professor, Dr. Varnova, with her multi-ethnic print outfit. Sam realized that most of the comedies from the attic period of Greece were recycled into the new comedy era and the Roman just added their own flavor to it (that was just from the first lecture).

It wasn't until about week later did something piqued his interest in the class; namely, how in ancient Greek they had four words for love. Dr. Varnova was giddy about explaining the differences between philia and storge or eros and agape, but got sidetracked by mentioning that C.S. Lewis wrote a book about the four loves in relation to God.

“Philia, or phileo according to C.S. Lewis,” Dr. Varnova elucidated, “is friendly or brotherly love. It defined by Aristotle to be a dispassionate virtuous love; one could almost say an innocent love.”

Sam thought back to when he first told Dean he loved him. He was six years old and just watched “The Little Mermaid” in the run down theater after school. Sam vaguely remembers asking Dean about how did Ariel know Eric was her true love after meeting him once, but Dean just rolled his eyes, muttered something about you just know, and pushed Sam along until they were out of theater. The moment his feet hit the sidewalk outside, Sam dug his feet into the ground which did not amuse Dean at all. “Come on Sammy,” he grumbled still trying to get Sam to move, “We need to get home so you can eat and do your homework before Dad gets back.” That was when Sam blurted, “Dean, I love you. I wanna live happily ever after with you.” Dean looked a bit shocked and started blushing and scoffed, “Yeah, Sammy, that’s good, now come on!” Dean was blushing for most the walk back to the motel.

\------

“Storge is more of an affectionate, familial love,” explained Dr. Varnova, “it is rarely used in ancient text. Also, it tends to be used as a form of acceptance or putting up with someone.”

He remembers back to Christmas 1991 when he first found out that monsters were real and that their family hunted them. He hated their father, hated Dean that they kept something so major, so life-changing hidden from him. Well, he really never really hated Dean, disappointed in him for not believing that he could take the truth. Sam felt the angry slowly burn away over the next couple of days. After three days, he approached Dean in the small kitchenette of the motel and laid out how he felt: the anger of being in the dark, hurt that Dean kept a secret (a big one at that) from him, and that he stilled loved Dean. He just looked at Sam for a couple of seconds and poured into a bowl some Spaghetti-Os lamenting about how lame and girly Sam was being. Sam looking back can definitely relate to storge.

\-----

“Agape is considered to be true love,” Dr Varnova noted, scribbling on the whiteboard,” It used in the Bible as the unconditional love between man and God and it sacrificial in nature.”

Sam thinks back to when he was 13 (summer of ’97) and his first time hunting a werewolf with his Dad and Dean. John went out head of them with the customary “Dean, protect Sam,” before heading into a thicket of waist-high grass and old, white-barked trees with his gun and magazine of silver bullets. Dean motioned Sam to follow him down an overgrown small trail or what at one point looked to be a hiking trail. He reluctantly followed, kind of wishing that he was still kept in the dark about the family business. During his musings, something, no, the werewolf, jumped in front of Dean, swiping his gun from his hand. The force the glancing blow left Dean open to another attack; Sam pushed Dean out of the way and unloaded his clip of silver bullets into the werewolf. His heart was racing from the adrenaline when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Dean chided that he had under control, Sam was being stupid, it was his duty to protect Sam; at that point, Sam told Dean that he was fine and that Dean needed someone to protect him too. Dean scoffed and told him that he didn’t need Sam to sacrifice himself in order to protect Dean.

\-----

“The final word for love is eros, like the Greek God of love,” smiled Dr Varnova, “It usually connotes passionate love, sensual love. The easiest way to remember it is to think of word erotic, which is derived from eros.”

Sam tries to think back the moment where his love for his brother changed from the other three types of love, it seems to just blend together like the cheap motels of his youth. He believes it was when Dean was cleaning a deep cut from a banshee after a hunt (he was 15 at the time); the tender care he took to make sure wasn’t in pain with soft caresses and strong tugs of the dental floss and needle forming neat stitches. He felt a tug of passion low in his gut and warmth flood his body like when he was with Amy Pond. He sputtered about having to use the bathroom and fled quickly. It was hard for the next three years hiding his changing feels for his brother (which was not normal even for them), but he decided that sooner or later it would come to light. He decided that the day he left for Stanford would be the day he would confess his less-than-brotherly feelings for Dean, which approached rather quickly.  
The night he left for Stanford was freeing in the sense when John told him to stay lost if he left. Leaving Dean, however, was not easy. Much like the moment when Sam killed his first werewolf, his heart was pounding and hands sweating. Dean was pissed at Sam for wanting to leave, leave the family, and couldn’t understand why he wanted out. Sam stammered out a confession of love and Dean brushed it off just like all the other times he told him. Sam cornered Dean in the hallway, reiterated that he loves him, like love, loves him, bent his head down and brushed his dry, too dry lips against Dean’s. Dean pushed Sam away, blushing, and took off. Sam crumpled in the hall, wondered where it all went wrong, where he went wrong, how he became so wrong for falling in love with his brother. He gathered his duffel and walked down to the bus depot, not wanting to spend another night in the rented house of soon-to-be bad memories.

\-----

It still amazes Sam how he can still feel Dean’s chapped, full lips after four years and numerous relationships, and more recently Jess. He still holds out for hope that one day Dean will visit him here, become a part of his life again, and love Jess just as much as he does. He isn't holding his breath though, because what are the chances of Dean, the best hunter he knows, giving up the life or needing his help after all this time.


End file.
